In this section of the book, Kiese is showing now grown up and showing signs of all of the things hes learned as a child. He is showing signs of being mature, aware, and sensitive towards his family specifically. After discovering that his grandmother is not well, he takes it upon himself to try and be the hero of his family and make enough money support his loved ones. Another huge part of this section is that he begins his work as a professor. This is also when he begins to realize the significance of listening to his mother and applying all of the knowledge shes given him as it relates to being a Black man that represents class. I find it ironic how he grew up to be professor just like his mother.
One part of this section that stood out to me was the moment when Kiese was speaking of the Racism that Muslim people were facing around the time of 9/11. As a volunteer at Ground Zero, Kiese traveled into the city to pass out water bottles and snacks to firefighters. He also got to witness Muslims become scared to exist in America as a result of the attack. He says ¨For the first time in my life, I experienced not having the most fear-provoking body in a contained American Space (183).¨ This quote stood out to me because it shows how almost every race in this country has had a time when America made them feel uncomfortable and they don´t belong here. This is ironic because America is supposed to be a ¨melting pot¨, and I´m not sure if it does a good job at melting.
This section of the book so far has been the heaviest in my opinion . It starts off with Kiese departing from his mom and starting life at Millsaps College. He touches on the topic of being culturally shocked while attending a PWI. He says, ¨The students surrounding us were only white, and all of us were Mississippi, black, and abundant¨(121). For Kiese, it seems that being around white people makes him more socially aware of the black experience in a grand sense. Rather than feeling bad about where he comes from, he stands strong on the fact that he´s black and he is incorporating that into every aspect of his life. He even feels obligated to represent African Americans in a positive light by carefully choosing how he participates in his classes. In this section of the book, food is also making more of a statement on his identity as he turns to food in times of discomfort and sadness. His mother points out how big he is getting and so does his friend, Ray Gunn. He also begins to experience a new love with Nzola. Along with love, he realizes that he is a black feminist but he does not know how to be that while also being a black man. Through reading powerful books by black authors, he comes to terms with his identity which led to a change of diet and the loss of weight.
The meat of this section of the book is that Kiese gets the opportunity to write a paper on racism in his school. The paper was published and he became the talk of the town. Being a black man and writing an essay about racism in a PWI put him in a lot of controversy. His close friends and family warned him to be careful. He soon starts to receive death threats and get called racial slurs putting his safety in danger. This is a sad situation because it just shows how the white man is afraid of the black man having a voice and speaking out against issues that are perpetuated by the white man. Even throughout history, this issue has often caused the white man to fight against the renewal of the black mans mind with violence, threats, and torture.
Lastly, the element of this book that has been most heartfelt to me is the relationship between him and his mother. It is to my surprise that even while in college, he sends his mother every paper for her approval. Even after getting beat for having bad grades in college , not wanting to do book summaries when he was younger, and the general instability of their relationship, her love and impact on him shows up in almost every aspect of his life. Through books and her discipline, shes impacted him into becoming a strong minded person who has a sense of individuality. This section of the book really shows how their love blossomed from a blurry concept to something more concrete. After getting kicked out of Millsapps and transferring to Oberline College, Kiese says to his mom¨I will never forget the day I told you I´d be back soon, the day I burst your heart wide open,…. the day you called me your child, your best friend, your reason for living¨(162). This part of the book felt so warm. It made me think about my mom and so many other black women I know. It made me think about how black women specifically, are such selfless beings and they truly do give their life for their kids. This part of the book was so emotional for me that It actually made me a teary-eyed. And I don´t get teary-eyed a lot.
In this section of the book, I feel like this was Kiese´s phase of becoming. He is starting to embrace the cultural aspect of being African American like using slang words and adding his unique perspective to life. He is starting to believe that ultimately, being black is the more ¨abundant¨ way of life in comparison to being ¨gross¨ His weight is really starting to get in his head and make him reconsider his identity. Also his relationship with Abby caused him to feel insecure in many ways because he does not want to be labeled as a ¨sellout¨ being that Abby is white. With age, Kiese is maturing quickly and is starting to recognize a lot about race.
One moment that stood out to me was when Kiese said ¨all my teachers, who happen to be white men, patted me on the head in class and said ¨Good for you, Kee-say¨ when I got an obvious answer right¨(Kiese 81). This quote stood out to because it alludes to the idea that some white people underestimate black people when it comes to being intellectual. I know this to be true because I work in a white neighborhood and I often get complimented for completing the smallest of tasks. These moments are extremely uncomfortable for me and the comments never actually translate as compliments.
From my understanding, in the First chapter of ¨Heavy¨ the loudest theme is issues with acceptance. The theme of issues with acceptance shows when Kiese has issues accepting his overall image and wanting to be accepted by others. One moment that shows his trouble with accepting his image is when he was being sexually assaulted by his babysitter. After the babysitter stopped abusing him, it made Kiese wonder what was wrong with him. He began doing workouts to enhance his looks in an attempt to feel accepted again by his abuser. Throughout the chapter, there are several moments that Kiese struggles with wanting to be accepted by others. After witnessing two of his friends get sexually abused by the big boys, Kiese says ¨a part of me knew it was because I was the fattest , sweatiest person at Beulah Beauford´s house ¨(Laymon, 41). This theme shows up when Kiese realizes that the big boys never want to be in a room alone with Kiese and it makes him feel sad although the story behind this feeling is sickening. This moment shows how issues with his identity and image merge together with his issues regarding the acceptance of other people. Kiese also struggles with acceptance when he plays with the big boys and the other kids as he just wants to be touched and accepted by them.
Some (possible) symbols that show up :
Encyclopedias- symbolize his relationship with his mom. His mom is education oriented and he is heavy on books. She does not even like it when he uses slang
calves- Symbolizes looking good and being found attractive by others. Kiese points out that Reneta tells him he has nice calves. He also points out that Delaney has the biggest calves in the neighborhood.
Beaufords house- sexual trauma
The deep end- another symbol of wanting to be accepted. The reason Layla is abused is being she was willing to do whatever the big boys said in order to swim in the deep end
wailing-symbol of feeling neglected, being on the outside. When Layla is in the room with the big boys, Kiese wants to know what’s going on in there and what’s causing the wailing. When his mom is making love to Malachi, Kiese feels neglected in some way and he does anything to not hear the sound of her wailing.
Big Boys/Games- symbolizes manipulation.The big boys manipulate the kids into doing odd things and they use the rules of the ¨game¨as an excuse.
In Fairest, one quote that stood out to me was ¨ Pregnant women were therefore advised not to spend too much time in the sun for fear that their baby would be born a sunchild ¨. I’m not sure if I’m interpreting this correctly, but I made the assumption that the term sunchild is another word for albinism. It seems that it is a part of Talusan´s culture to care deeply about one’s appearance. The simple fact that myths like this exist and are passed down from generation to generation shows that Talusan would face obstacles regarding her looks for the rest of her life. This may give reason to why she doesn’t want her book cover to have anything to do with her looks. She says in ¨The Cover of My Face¨What’s more, one of the greatest luxuries of being an author is that I can separate myself from my physical presence¨(Talusan). Her appearance has been such a huge part of how others perceive her therefore being an author finally gives her the chance to exist outside of her looks and escape the famous myths she’d heard about albinism. In ¨Ordinary Girls¨ one quote that stood out to me was ¨It wasnt the haircut she said chuckling, it was my bad hair. Your fathers fault. Your father and his black family¨ (Diaz). Jaquira seems to be someone whose family plays a large part in her identity. In this moment, her grandmother inflicts negativity on her by making her think her fathers black traits are not beautiful. Even in ¨La Otra¨, she says I knew that these were things meant for girls, and that I was supposed to like them. But I had no interest in my mother’s curtains, or her tubes of red lipstick, or her dresses, or the dolls Grandma Mercy and Titi Sandy sent from Miami¨ (Diaz). Jaquira determines a lot of her identity, what she does like, and what she does not like based on different ideas presented to her by her family. I predict that the theme of self hatred and confusion will show up a lot in this book.One moment that stood out to me from Kiese Laymon’s excerpt of ¨Heavy¨ is the part of the book where his grandmother is wanting him to be sympathetic toward white people during the Rodney King riots. He expresses ¨ I wanted to fairly fight white folk and I wanted to knock them out¨(Laymon). In this moment, he is so hurt that he has become insensitive to White people all in all. This may stem from when he was much younger and he experienced his grandmother working for a white family. He says in ¨Quick Feet¨, ¨Stealing their food felt like the only way to make the rotten feeling in my belly go away¨(Laymon).He wanted so badly for that white family to feel pain and suffering because that was all he knew and he was jealous that he had never seen white people struggle. For this reason, he did not feel pity for white people during the riots because he figured it was what they rightfully deserved. I expect this book to talk a lot about the little things that tell a profound story about the difference between white and blacks living in America. I expect for it to be filled with the author coming to sudden realizations of just how much inequality really exists.
To be truthful, I have been thinking a lot about my expectations for this college experience. It´s made me a little nervous but I’m starting to think that feeling this way is a good thing. I’ve never really had much expectations when it came to school. I just always did what I needed to do in order to go to the next step. However, for college, I’m expecting things to be different. I want my experience to be more intentional and meaningful. A big part of this is the idea of turning on my camera for class. The last year and a half has been very tough and turning on my camera for classes was the last of my concerns. But as part of becoming a more intentional student, I’m expecting to make that change. As for my instructor, I am expecting there to be a respectful mutual understanding of our role. I am expecting them to take accountability for the things they are responsible for, just like me.
LINEAGE
My lineage is the Krio people of Sierra Leone. My lineage is twisted. My lineage is strong. Another aspect of my lineage is music. Music makes me who I am in no many ways. Luther Vandross, Anita Baker, Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, Chaka Khan. My lineage is love. Music about love. Music made to make you feel warm inside. For me, it’s a way of being. I feel it in the way that I dress, the way I think, and even the clothes that I wear.
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