After reading the last few pages of “Heavy” I find it interesting to see the gambling problem Kiese Laymon is dealing with. He writes about how he would go to the casino and gamble sometimes gambling away his entire paycheck. He writes about how sometimes he would go in with hundreds of dollars and leave with thousands and sometimes he would go in with thousands of dollars and leave with nothing. One of the more interesting things that happens towards the end of the book is Laymon reconnecting with his mother and talking to her about things that happened while he was growing. They talk about things like how Laymon lied to his mother about what he was going through and they promise to tell each other the truth from then on. I really found this part of the start of the end of the book really nice because to me it seems like his mother is trying to get a new start with him. Skipping forward a bit to the last couple of paragraphs I just want to point out these things Laymon writes. “There will always be scars on, and in, my body from where you harmed me. You will always have scars on, and in, your body from where we harmed you. You and I have nothing and everything to be ashamed of, but I am no longer ashamed of this heavy black body you helped create. I know that our beautiful bruised black bodies are where we bend.” (Laymon 196). I feel this is a good way to end off because I interpret this as Laymon not ignoring everything he has experienced but instead saying that although there will always be “scars” on and in his body he is no longer ashamed of who he is. Overall this was a great book and as confusing as it was at some points is was genuinely amazing to have a peek into Kiese Laymon’s life through his writing.

Reading more of “Heavy” I slowly start to get even more invested. The way Laymon writes is very, for a lack of better words, interesting. Especially this one line where he describes how “scared” and “scary” white people are. Laymon writes “You and Grandmama taught me white folk were capable of anything and not to be provoked, but Welty reminded me of what my eyes and ears taught me: white folk were scared and scary as all hell, so scared, so scary the words “scared” and “scary” weren’t scared or scary enough to describe them.” (Laymon 66). This one line to me is so interesting because its worded in a way that makes it seem like white people are scared by others but at the same time scary to others it is just worded in a very unique way. Another part of the book which stood out to me is when Laymon and his mother got pulled over by a police officer. After they were let go by the officers Laymon’s mother tells him “Never give them a chance to take the shot,” (Laymon 75). This specific thing she says made me think about how real and scary this situation is and how this is the reality that if Laymon had made a wrong move that day things could have turned out very differently for him. Slowly I am starting to see more and more parts of “Heavy” that I can relate to and can make connections to things I see in my daily life.

From just reading the first few pages of “Heavy” it’s clear this book is very serious and the themes explored throughout are very personal and hold a lot of meaning for Kiese Laymon. Something that stood out to me is Laymon’s use of you in the epigraph. He writes Even though you were winning, even though we’d just won, you did not look at me. You kept pulling that handle and looking behind you.” (Laymon 13). At first I found this a bit confusing until I talked to others and then looked at it differently. His use of “you” helps make this feel raw and just real kind of more personal in a way. A big theme presented early in the book is Laymon’s struggle with obesity and fitting in with others, along with the theme of abuse. Laymon’s babysitter tells him she liked the way his legs and calves looked and then goes on to sexually abuse him putting her breasts in his mouth and even touching him inappropriately. On days when she doesn’t touch him he questions if the reason why is because there was something wrong with him writing “When she came over and didn’t choke me or ask me to keep it straight, I wondered what was wrong with me. I always assumed it was because my thighs and calves weren’t muscly enough. On those days when she didn’t touch me, I didn’t eat or drink and I did calf raises and squats in the bathroom until I cramped.” (Laymon 29). This line from the book shows Laymon’s desire to be accepted even if it’s from his abuser. It shows he believes the reason why she doesn’t abuse him is because there is something wrong with him that he needs to change. Overall this is a lot but I look forward to reading more about Laymon’s experiences and seeing if anything more serious than these themes comes up later on.