Reading more of “Heavy” I slowly start to get even more invested. The way Laymon writes is very, for a lack of better words, interesting. Especially this one line where he describes how “scared” and “scary” white people are. Laymon writes “You and Grandmama taught me white folk were capable of anything and not to be provoked, but Welty reminded me of what my eyes and ears taught me: white folk were scared and scary as all hell, so scared, so scary the words “scared” and “scary” weren’t scared or scary enough to describe them.” (Laymon 66). This one line to me is so interesting because its worded in a way that makes it seem like white people are scared by others but at the same time scary to others it is just worded in a very unique way. Another part of the book which stood out to me is when Laymon and his mother got pulled over by a police officer. After they were let go by the officers Laymon’s mother tells him “Never give them a chance to take the shot,” (Laymon 75). This specific thing she says made me think about how real and scary this situation is and how this is the reality that if Laymon had made a wrong move that day things could have turned out very differently for him. Slowly I am starting to see more and more parts of “Heavy” that I can relate to and can make connections to things I see in my daily life.

Kiese’s grandmother was the person that taught him how too speak and what to do and what not to do. This shows that his mother wasn’t really the best example or the one teaching him to be the best version of himself. Laymon didn’t really have a good relationship with his father, he barely had no memories of his father. His psychologist told him that he had a problem with violence both in school and at home. The book heavy states “What I mean is this: if you’re having problems with violence at school, I wonder how you’re experiencing violence at home.” This demonstrate that there’s more to his pain and his suffering, there’s so many deep circumstances and issues that has made him like that. Is not only his parents, not only the people around him but everything that has happened to him has mentally impacted him in a negative way. In other words he’s still not over it, he still leaves with those memories and experiences. Laymon has used alcohol as a way to demolish all of those feelings and emotions that he feels deep inside of his heart. Alcohol is a way to suppressed your most deepest feelings and concerns, is a way too stop thinking, for just one moment to stop that sadness and emptiness and that what Laymon is doing.

Heavy is such an intense book to read. Kiese laymon is the author of this book, he talks about his experiences as a a person that has been mistreated and abused by his own parents, babysitters and white neighbors in the community. His mother used to beat him a lot when he got a lower score in school. He sought comfort on food, he was stress eating it was like food was the only thing giving him warm. Laymon talks about the struggles that comes from being black and living in a society that still holds on to racism and discrimination. Heavy states ” Ain’t nothing in the world worse than looking at your children drowning, knowing ain’t nothing you can do because you’re scared that if you get to trying to save them, they might see that you can’t swim either.” This demonstrates that not even the parents can help their child and protect them because at the end of the day they can’t do anything to stop the pain and suffering from occurring, all they could do is watch and beg that to be stopped. Laymon shows that your struggles, your pain is the one that influences you to do better, to become someone that can bring change.

From just reading the first few pages of “Heavy” it’s clear this book is very serious and the themes explored throughout are very personal and hold a lot of meaning for Kiese Laymon. Something that stood out to me is Laymon’s use of you in the epigraph. He writes Even though you were winning, even though we’d just won, you did not look at me. You kept pulling that handle and looking behind you.” (Laymon 13). At first I found this a bit confusing until I talked to others and then looked at it differently. His use of “you” helps make this feel raw and just real kind of more personal in a way. A big theme presented early in the book is Laymon’s struggle with obesity and fitting in with others, along with the theme of abuse. Laymon’s babysitter tells him she liked the way his legs and calves looked and then goes on to sexually abuse him putting her breasts in his mouth and even touching him inappropriately. On days when she doesn’t touch him he questions if the reason why is because there was something wrong with him writing “When she came over and didn’t choke me or ask me to keep it straight, I wondered what was wrong with me. I always assumed it was because my thighs and calves weren’t muscly enough. On those days when she didn’t touch me, I didn’t eat or drink and I did calf raises and squats in the bathroom until I cramped.” (Laymon 29). This line from the book shows Laymon’s desire to be accepted even if it’s from his abuser. It shows he believes the reason why she doesn’t abuse him is because there is something wrong with him that he needs to change. Overall this is a lot but I look forward to reading more about Laymon’s experiences and seeing if anything more serious than these themes comes up later on.