In this section of the book, Kiese is showing now grown up and showing signs of all of the things hes learned as a child. He is showing signs of being mature, aware, and sensitive towards his family specifically. After discovering that his grandmother is not well, he takes it upon himself to try and be the hero of his family and make enough money support his loved ones. Another huge part of this section is that he begins his work as a professor. This is also when he begins to realize the significance of listening to his mother and applying all of the knowledge shes given him as it relates to being a Black man that represents class. I find it ironic how he grew up to be professor just like his mother.
One part of this section that stood out to me was the moment when Kiese was speaking of the Racism that Muslim people were facing around the time of 9/11. As a volunteer at Ground Zero, Kiese traveled into the city to pass out water bottles and snacks to firefighters. He also got to witness Muslims become scared to exist in America as a result of the attack. He says ¨For the first time in my life, I experienced not having the most fear-provoking body in a contained American Space (183).¨ This quote stood out to me because it shows how almost every race in this country has had a time when America made them feel uncomfortable and they don´t belong here. This is ironic because America is supposed to be a ¨melting pot¨, and I´m not sure if it does a good job at melting.
After reading the last few pages of “Heavy” I find it interesting to see the gambling problem Kiese Laymon is dealing with. He writes about how he would go to the casino and gamble sometimes gambling away his entire paycheck. He writes about how sometimes he would go in with hundreds of dollars and leave with thousands and sometimes he would go in with thousands of dollars and leave with nothing. One of the more interesting things that happens towards the end of the book is Laymon reconnecting with his mother and talking to her about things that happened while he was growing. They talk about things like how Laymon lied to his mother about what he was going through and they promise to tell each other the truth from then on. I really found this part of the start of the end of the book really nice because to me it seems like his mother is trying to get a new start with him. Skipping forward a bit to the last couple of paragraphs I just want to point out these things Laymon writes. “There will always be scars on, and in, my body from where you harmed me. You will always have scars on, and in, your body from where we harmed you. You and I have nothing and everything to be ashamed of, but I am no longer ashamed of this heavy black body you helped create. I know that our beautiful bruised black bodies are where we bend.” (Laymon 196). I feel this is a good way to end off because I interpret this as Laymon not ignoring everything he has experienced but instead saying that although there will always be “scars” on and in his body he is no longer ashamed of who he is. Overall this was a great book and as confusing as it was at some points is was genuinely amazing to have a peek into Kiese Laymon’s life through his writing.
In this section, there are alot of things that happen as he begins in 8th grade in St. Richard Catholic School with his friend LaThon and Jabari along with the girls all from Holy Family.
Throughout the book, I notice how Laymon goes back in forth in trying to understand his position in being black and what is supposed to be expected of him according to his mother. His mother always tells his to correct his vocabulary, be good, show his excellence, to be careful around the white folk. But through Laymon’s eyes, he fights with himself for not being able to move freely. He gets frustrated as he encounters prejudice of his white teachers and police officers(page 81 The cops pulled him and his mom over, and in the situation he hated how the gun was close to her and how couldn’t do anything to defend them both).
Laymon also continues to go through sexual finding and touch in himself with girls one of them being Abby who is white. And due to the fact she is white, both Abby and Laymon face problems in their circle in schools and at home with their families. When Laymon’s mother found out she beat him as she didn’t want Laymon to with a white girl because it will cause even further problems. But Laymon continued to sneak around and pointed out her hypocrisy as his mother continued to be with Malachi Hunter who abused her(he punched her)
This section of the book so far has been the heaviest in my opinion . It starts off with Kiese departing from his mom and starting life at Millsaps College. He touches on the topic of being culturally shocked while attending a PWI. He says, ¨The students surrounding us were only white, and all of us were Mississippi, black, and abundant¨(121). For Kiese, it seems that being around white people makes him more socially aware of the black experience in a grand sense. Rather than feeling bad about where he comes from, he stands strong on the fact that he´s black and he is incorporating that into every aspect of his life. He even feels obligated to represent African Americans in a positive light by carefully choosing how he participates in his classes. In this section of the book, food is also making more of a statement on his identity as he turns to food in times of discomfort and sadness. His mother points out how big he is getting and so does his friend, Ray Gunn. He also begins to experience a new love with Nzola. Along with love, he realizes that he is a black feminist but he does not know how to be that while also being a black man. Through reading powerful books by black authors, he comes to terms with his identity which led to a change of diet and the loss of weight.
The meat of this section of the book is that Kiese gets the opportunity to write a paper on racism in his school. The paper was published and he became the talk of the town. Being a black man and writing an essay about racism in a PWI put him in a lot of controversy. His close friends and family warned him to be careful. He soon starts to receive death threats and get called racial slurs putting his safety in danger. This is a sad situation because it just shows how the white man is afraid of the black man having a voice and speaking out against issues that are perpetuated by the white man. Even throughout history, this issue has often caused the white man to fight against the renewal of the black mans mind with violence, threats, and torture.
Lastly, the element of this book that has been most heartfelt to me is the relationship between him and his mother. It is to my surprise that even while in college, he sends his mother every paper for her approval. Even after getting beat for having bad grades in college , not wanting to do book summaries when he was younger, and the general instability of their relationship, her love and impact on him shows up in almost every aspect of his life. Through books and her discipline, shes impacted him into becoming a strong minded person who has a sense of individuality. This section of the book really shows how their love blossomed from a blurry concept to something more concrete. After getting kicked out of Millsapps and transferring to Oberline College, Kiese says to his mom¨I will never forget the day I told you I´d be back soon, the day I burst your heart wide open,…. the day you called me your child, your best friend, your reason for living¨(162). This part of the book felt so warm. It made me think about my mom and so many other black women I know. It made me think about how black women specifically, are such selfless beings and they truly do give their life for their kids. This part of the book was so emotional for me that It actually made me a teary-eyed. And I don´t get teary-eyed a lot.
Reading more of “Heavy” I slowly start to get even more invested. The way Laymon writes is very, for a lack of better words, interesting. Especially this one line where he describes how “scared” and “scary” white people are. Laymon writes “You and Grandmama taught me white folk were capable of anything and not to be provoked, but Welty reminded me of what my eyes and ears taught me: white folk were scared and scary as all hell, so scared, so scary the words “scared” and “scary” weren’t scared or scary enough to describe them.” (Laymon 66). This one line to me is so interesting because its worded in a way that makes it seem like white people are scared by others but at the same time scary to others it is just worded in a very unique way. Another part of the book which stood out to me is when Laymon and his mother got pulled over by a police officer. After they were let go by the officers Laymon’s mother tells him “Never give them a chance to take the shot,” (Laymon 75). This specific thing she says made me think about how real and scary this situation is and how this is the reality that if Laymon had made a wrong move that day things could have turned out very differently for him. Slowly I am starting to see more and more parts of “Heavy” that I can relate to and can make connections to things I see in my daily life.
In this section of the book, I feel like this was Kiese´s phase of becoming. He is starting to embrace the cultural aspect of being African American like using slang words and adding his unique perspective to life. He is starting to believe that ultimately, being black is the more ¨abundant¨ way of life in comparison to being ¨gross¨ His weight is really starting to get in his head and make him reconsider his identity. Also his relationship with Abby caused him to feel insecure in many ways because he does not want to be labeled as a ¨sellout¨ being that Abby is white. With age, Kiese is maturing quickly and is starting to recognize a lot about race.
One moment that stood out to me was when Kiese said ¨all my teachers, who happen to be white men, patted me on the head in class and said ¨Good for you, Kee-say¨ when I got an obvious answer right¨(Kiese 81). This quote stood out to because it alludes to the idea that some white people underestimate black people when it comes to being intellectual. I know this to be true because I work in a white neighborhood and I often get complimented for completing the smallest of tasks. These moments are extremely uncomfortable for me and the comments never actually translate as compliments.
Kiese’s grandmother was the person that taught him how too speak and what to do and what not to do. This shows that his mother wasn’t really the best example or the one teaching him to be the best version of himself. Laymon didn’t really have a good relationship with his father, he barely had no memories of his father. His psychologist told him that he had a problem with violence both in school and at home. The book heavy states “What I mean is this: if you’re having problems with violence at school, I wonder how you’re experiencing violence at home.” This demonstrate that there’s more to his pain and his suffering, there’s so many deep circumstances and issues that has made him like that. Is not only his parents, not only the people around him but everything that has happened to him has mentally impacted him in a negative way. In other words he’s still not over it, he still leaves with those memories and experiences. Laymon has used alcohol as a way to demolish all of those feelings and emotions that he feels deep inside of his heart. Alcohol is a way to suppressed your most deepest feelings and concerns, is a way too stop thinking, for just one moment to stop that sadness and emptiness and that what Laymon is doing.
Heavy is such an intense book to read. Kiese laymon is the author of this book, he talks about his experiences as a a person that has been mistreated and abused by his own parents, babysitters and white neighbors in the community. His mother used to beat him a lot when he got a lower score in school. He sought comfort on food, he was stress eating it was like food was the only thing giving him warm. Laymon talks about the struggles that comes from being black and living in a society that still holds on to racism and discrimination. Heavy states ” Ain’t nothing in the world worse than looking at your children drowning, knowing ain’t nothing you can do because you’re scared that if you get to trying to save them, they might see that you can’t swim either.” This demonstrates that not even the parents can help their child and protect them because at the end of the day they can’t do anything to stop the pain and suffering from occurring, all they could do is watch and beg that to be stopped. Laymon shows that your struggles, your pain is the one that influences you to do better, to become someone that can bring change.
From just reading the first few pages of “Heavy” it’s clear this book is very serious and the themes explored throughout are very personal and hold a lot of meaning for Kiese Laymon. Something that stood out to me is Laymon’s use of you in the epigraph. He writes Even though you were winning, even though we’d just won, you did not look at me. You kept pulling that handle and looking behind you.” (Laymon 13). At first I found this a bit confusing until I talked to others and then looked at it differently. His use of “you” helps make this feel raw and just real kind of more personal in a way. A big theme presented early in the book is Laymon’s struggle with obesity and fitting in with others, along with the theme of abuse. Laymon’s babysitter tells him she liked the way his legs and calves looked and then goes on to sexually abuse him putting her breasts in his mouth and even touching him inappropriately. On days when she doesn’t touch him he questions if the reason why is because there was something wrong with him writing “When she came over and didn’t choke me or ask me to keep it straight, I wondered what was wrong with me. I always assumed it was because my thighs and calves weren’t muscly enough. On those days when she didn’t touch me, I didn’t eat or drink and I did calf raises and squats in the bathroom until I cramped.” (Laymon 29). This line from the book shows Laymon’s desire to be accepted even if it’s from his abuser. It shows he believes the reason why she doesn’t abuse him is because there is something wrong with him that he needs to change. Overall this is a lot but I look forward to reading more about Laymon’s experiences and seeing if anything more serious than these themes comes up later on.
From my understanding, in the First chapter of ¨Heavy¨ the loudest theme is issues with acceptance. The theme of issues with acceptance shows when Kiese has issues accepting his overall image and wanting to be accepted by others. One moment that shows his trouble with accepting his image is when he was being sexually assaulted by his babysitter. After the babysitter stopped abusing him, it made Kiese wonder what was wrong with him. He began doing workouts to enhance his looks in an attempt to feel accepted again by his abuser. Throughout the chapter, there are several moments that Kiese struggles with wanting to be accepted by others. After witnessing two of his friends get sexually abused by the big boys, Kiese says ¨a part of me knew it was because I was the fattest , sweatiest person at Beulah Beauford´s house ¨(Laymon, 41). This theme shows up when Kiese realizes that the big boys never want to be in a room alone with Kiese and it makes him feel sad although the story behind this feeling is sickening. This moment shows how issues with his identity and image merge together with his issues regarding the acceptance of other people. Kiese also struggles with acceptance when he plays with the big boys and the other kids as he just wants to be touched and accepted by them.
Some (possible) symbols that show up :
Encyclopedias- symbolize his relationship with his mom. His mom is education oriented and he is heavy on books. She does not even like it when he uses slang
calves- Symbolizes looking good and being found attractive by others. Kiese points out that Reneta tells him he has nice calves. He also points out that Delaney has the biggest calves in the neighborhood.
Beaufords house- sexual trauma
The deep end- another symbol of wanting to be accepted. The reason Layla is abused is being she was willing to do whatever the big boys said in order to swim in the deep end
wailing-symbol of feeling neglected, being on the outside. When Layla is in the room with the big boys, Kiese wants to know what’s going on in there and what’s causing the wailing. When his mom is making love to Malachi, Kiese feels neglected in some way and he does anything to not hear the sound of her wailing.
Big Boys/Games- symbolizes manipulation.The big boys manipulate the kids into doing odd things and they use the rules of the ¨game¨as an excuse.
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